Home for the Holidays...

My brother just got married. I honestly couldn't be happier for him, especially because I love my new sister-in-law and the rest of her family as well. Although, it got me to thinking about how things are changing. The holidays won't be the same anymore. I have to share him... for the rest of my life. They're in Jamaica now for their honeymoon and won't be here for Christmas and part of me is kind of torn up about it. My mom keeps telling me that I'm turning into a 10 year old again because I want this Christmas to be normal.. but I think it's cause my family has never really been the type to eat a giant feast on Christmas day, have a big get together with all of our outside family, or even form some kind of tradition. It's never really bothered me before this year and I don't know why I all the sudden feel like family time during the holidays is so important. I love my family and I wish there were more opportunities for us to celebrate together and I feel like we're getting to a point where everyone is going their own ways.. I mean, I guess I should've seen it coming, but I didn't expect it to affect me like this. I wish we were the family that's gonna have 30 people over for Christmas day.. I don't even know if we're going to have a Christmas day at all here. And it's not about the presents. Sure, there are things I want.. but it's more about the thought of it.. the thought of sharing such a miraculous day with the ones you love. I just want to go back to the days when both my brothers were here and I had to force them to get up before 11 a.m. to open presents.. the time when I wouldn't let anyone cook breakfast or make coffee until we opened presents and busted out the home videos. I pray that I can find some peace in this new season and can enjoy the time with the loved ones I am close to and do have around me on this day.

On another note, I hate fighting. Especially when I have good intentions. I don't ever try and argue with people unless 1. I know I'm right or 2. I really care about the subject/person. In this case, it's number 2. I also hate that the day after you fight with someone, 50 things happen that you NEED to text them about but can't. I didn't say all of those things because I wanted to attack you or question your character or even judge the life you live, I did it because as a sister in Christ, I am called to love you like the Lord does and I felt that I needed to tell you the things I did. I know you may not agree with that or whatever, but I care about you and where you spend eternity and I also don't think that type of situation should get in the way of our friendship. I'm sorry if I've made your life complicated.

I need to keep reminding myself that the Lord takes care of me right where I'm at and not where I need to be. I know that He has my best interest at heart. Lord, please bring me peace this holiday season as I go through this time without some loved ones and in the midst of a broken friendship. Please keep your hand on those who cannot be here with us and those who don't know You this season.