Things are a changin'. I'm learning every day about things that God is tweeking in my life. He is constantly changing me, not into a new person, but into a better... me. I am becoming a new creation and I'm finally opening up to it. I have been reading more than I ever have in my life. And actually finishing the books that I start. It's a great feeling, you know? Accomplishing even that simple act of reading words on a page until they are no more. I've learned a lot from these books. From sex, dating, religion, and food. It's caused me to really question certain decisions I make and things I allow into my life. For instance, if I ever meet another girl who has food issues like I do, I can recommend her my new favorite book. Made to Crave: Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food. Can you believe there is even a book on this? Food issues are important. If the very downfall of humanity was caused by Eve being tempted to eat something she wasn't supposed to eat, then yes, it's important to God. That, coupled with the book Skinny Bitch has caused me to really think about how I view food. Do I rely on food more than I rely on God? It sounds like such a silly question, but when you get to the heart of the matter, most of our overweight, physical issues all go back to spiritual problems that have been there for too long. We never realized it. Or at least I never did.
Because of these books, I have now become a vegetarian and stopped washing my hair. Or maybe that's because I live in hippie town (Denton). I am trying not to become a dirty Dentonite... but it's hard. Everyone here is so raw. And original. And fully themselves. It's breathtaking. And comforting. I'm not afraid to be me because there are so many far more weird than I am. Off point, but true. I think the fact that I'm not washing my hair is probably more of a question than why I'm a veggie now. I'll explain. I do wash it. Well, rinse it with water. And use baking soda and apple cider vinegar. Truth is, you don't need shampoo. It dries out your hair and has tons of chemicals that aren't good for you. Plus, I consider my style 'hobo chic'... and it fits into that category perfectly. And less time to actually get ready? Sign me up. Hair right now after three days = greassssyyy. Not too bad, though. I haven't tried the baking soda yet. That will help tremendously. I'll keep updating on my progress.
But back to the food issues- I've realized something. Something big. Something worth blogging about. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I've noticed that I've wanted to be healthy for quite some time. Who doesn't? It's important. And I know that. Knowing it isn't gonna make me change. Crazy, right? I've had to pray, more like beg for the Lord to give me the desire to be healthy. For so long it has been about being skinny. Don't get me wrong, you will rarely hear me complain about my body or how I wish this was smaller and this was a bit bigger, or any of that stuff. I am grateful for the body I have. But of course the insecurity is there. It's just hiding there and not being acknowledged. I have had to get to point where it's not about being skinny. Because the thought of being skinny isn't gonna keep me motivated. That is such a worldly view and it won't work. I know it. I've tried it. I had to get to a point where I know that I am giving up the things I crave more than God. The things I turn to instead of to the Lord. It's tough. Sometimes. I know for a fact that this is going to be much more of a spiritual journey than a physical one. I am excited and hoping that you'll pray with me. Pray for strength against temptations and that I would continue to have the desire to be healthy.
"Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." -Psalm 5:1-3