I went to church tonight.

It's not a very surprising thing since I am a "church-goer", if you will. I went to youth at the church that I've attended for five years now. I go every Sunday but for some reason, I've stopped going to youth there. It just isn't the same. But I went tonight. I couldn't tell you why, I just decided to. It's the most indescribable feeling to walk into a building that used to be your second home, and suddenly feel the opposite affect. That place used to be my life. I wouldn't have been a Christian if it weren't for the boy that changed my life and took me there (also the most wonderful boyfriend I've ever had) and that church in Keller. I've left marks in that church. I am forever a part of it. I'll explain one now. Please be prepared for juicy and grotesque details. :)

There was once a lock-in at church when I was in 8th grade and it was my first time to have an energy drink. While the older boys were out buying them, I decided to have coffee as well. (I'm NOT a coffee drinker. Never have been, never will be.) I had a huge cup of coffee with more sugars than I could count on two hands. I then proceeded to chug the energy drink BAWLS. Not a smart idea if I do say so myself. This then led to an "up-chuck" of the wonderful dinner I had at the 8th grade banquet. Mmm Mexican. I didn't exactly make it to the toilet.. close, but no cigar. So there is permanently some dried throw up on the wall in the upstairs girls bathroom of that church. Talk about leaving your mark!

I love it. Although it was weird going in tonight and realizing that all but two of the people have changed, deep down, I can still call it my second home. I miss it. And I actually had a lot of fun tonight meeting new peoplpe and enjoying those surroundings again. It was a good experience. I'm probably make more out of it than I should, but I guess that's just who I am.

I guess I can start complaining now. Isn't that what these are for? To vent? Well.. Here you go:

I consider myself one of the most impatient people I know. Others know it too. I've decided that waiting to hear back from a college might be the toughest experience an impatient person, like myself can go through. I don't think A&M realizes that about me. I am so anxious. I've never wanted anything so much in my life. I feel like everyone else is finding this out except for me. I'm ready. Just let me know.

Okay. That's my rant. :( 

So please A&M, do me a favor and be quicker! :) Thank You.

lovelovelove

-B-

Birthday?

I always get so excited for them, but then when the actual day comes around.. it is surreal. I don't know why birthdays never feel like normal days... It's not even that they are better than regular days, it feels like I'm living my life in a different place. Basically, I don't know what I'm talking about.. but I guess in about 52 minutes I'll feel that way. Woot.

I like them... I just always hype it up so much and expect so much and analyze everything that when it never goes the way I expect, I am disappointed. Story of my life. But we'll see. I'm pretty excited about 18.

Yayay.

lovelovelove

-B-

Arithmetic

I love new music. I love the mellow songs that take me back to when I was a little girl and so carefree in this careless world. I especially love the ones that take you back. It's relaxing and in some way comforting to hear such songs and rejoice in the fact that I can take the time to relax, if only for a second. I feel like my life is changing every day, and every day is something completely new and unpredictable. I guess I'm over the whole "existing, not living" phase that was explained in my last post. I feel different. I can't exactly put my finger on it... but I'm ready for change. The time is now.

"I've been counting up all my wrongs 

One sorry for each star 

See I'd apologize my way to you 

If the heavens stretched that far 

You are the one I want, you are the one I want

When the years are showing on my face

And my strongest days are gone

When my heart and flesh depart this place

From a life that sung your song

You'll still be the one I want, you'll still be the one I want"

lovelovelove

-B-

I've been thinking..

Sometimes I get into such a routine way of doing things that I get to the point where I feel like I'm just existing and not really living. I want to live my life, not just exist on this earth with no purpose or passion. I kind of feel that way now. It doesn't last for long, but it's just a little reality check every once in a while that's like, "Hey Bianca! Wake up and do something different. Do something with your life to get me off auto-pilot. Kthnx." Maybe I need to listen to that voice quicker than just settling for a while and being so apathetic. But this isn't saying that I'm not happy. I'm just bored with life at the moment and I need to pick it up in the next few days cause I'm turning 18 on Sunday! That's a reason to dance. :) 

I highlighted my hair last night. I don't really like it that much because it's the inbetween color between extreme dark brown and super blonde. It's almost like a golden color and it's yuckyyy. So if you see me, you don't have to tell me you like it if you don't. Ha. But it takes a few times to get it back to its blondness :) So, soon enough it'll back to blonde goodness!

"Remember that with each sunrise comes new opportunities. Today offers a clean slate upon which to record your life... and your legacy."

lovelovelove

-B-

Ha.

I just looked at the title of my last blog and it made me laugh because I am procrastinating RIGHT now. I have been sitting here and a lot of different places in the house for the last 8 hours exactly! I've been "attempting" my dual paper that's due tomorrow. HA! It's only 600 words..? Could I be a little more retarded? I just don't like doing things. Gah. I'm so ridiculous.

Whatevs. I have my own way of doing things.

Deal.

lovelovelove

-B-

Procrastination

Basically the story of my life. I really hate that I don't get things done. I've realized that it's only things that I don't understand. If it's something easy, like vocab, I'll do it instantly.. But if it's dumb Brit Lit then I put it off completely, well actually, don't do it at all. I need to start being a better student. I say that a lot. Maybe one day I'll learn...

Other than that, I'm pretty content and can't really complain about much. GOING TO NYC THIS WEEKEND! I haven't been in over a year and I'm excited for this weekend trip! Yay. I'm sure it'll basically by my little birthday present from my parents because I'll be buying so many things! Haha. So, that's cool. I'm excited about turning 18 in just two weeks. I feel like you can do so much when you're 18. I mean, I will be able to buy spray paint! It's basically great. So I'm SUPER excited. I love birthdays! 

But yeah... I'm gonna actually do my dual homework now and then get a head start on my paper that's due Monday. Woot for being productive! Wish me luck in this journey of becoming a better student :)