Sometimes I get caught up in the life I want to have. It's not that I dislike my life now, but it's almost as if I'm seeing the future me. Seeing myself in five or ten years when I'll finally be exactly who I want to be. Then I think that it's likely that I won't be that person in five or ten years. I think, "What if I turn twenty-five and look back pondering how I got to that place?" Wondering why I'm not who I envisioned myself being.
I also wonder why I'm not already that person. If I know who I want to be, why don't I just be that girl.
I find this thought process going through my mind a lot when I blog-stalk. I have the ability to get lost in blogs. All kinds of blogs. Design, DIY (so many craft ideas), Mommy blogs, blogs with tons of quotes on them, etc. They absolutely, 100% fascinate me. I could spend all day, every day finding new blogs to fall in love with. They have a tendency to make me question who I am. Whether it's a quote I read or a photograph I see on it, it always makes me question. Whether good or bad, I love it. I love thinking beyond what I know to be true and beyond everyday life. It's like when I read blogs... the world has never seemed so... big. That sounds silly, I know.
How can a blog make someone feel this crazy?
When I read them, I find out new things. I learn. I think... "hmm, I want that." or "hmm, I want to be like that." or the most common: "I want to MAKE that. Now. Right now. Let's go to Hobby Lobby."
Blogs... They help me figure out who I want to become. Not completely, but they help me find out what kind of style I want to have. What do I want my future house to look like? How do I want to show love to my husband? What is my house going to be filled with? Am I going to have a whole wall of bookshelves? Am I going to love traveling?
Who am I going to be?
I got asked to do something yesterday that got me thinking. I think that was the point. I got asked to journal about my ideal job. Take out every single obstacle that could possibly stand in my way. Forget where I would live or who I would be with or what I believe in. Only think about what I would do.
I can see it in my head. It's one of those pictures that's almost impossible to put to words. I can see everything I would be good at and would love to do, but honestly... there's not just one word for that job title. It would be so many beautiful, time-consuming, lovely things wrapped into one. I would create, design, love, write, and photograph. Honestly, that is everything I want to be.
I want to be a creator who lives for her Creator.
All I have to do is figure out how to make that goal happen.