I've been thinking lately about the rest of my life.. especially about what my career is going to be. It's something I can't stop thinking about because I know that college is coming up so soon. I know so many people that already know what they want to do with the rest of their lives and I feel like I'm behind on the decision train... I know a few things that'd be cool and everything, but I just don't feel like God has given me my mission yet. He hasn't showen me what my calling is yet and I'm scared that I won't know soon enough. I realize that I don't need to know super soon because I'm pretty much gonna be taking core classes the first year anyway.. but I just wanna know and be comfortable in my decision. So, I guess I'll just keep praying that God shows me my calling soon so that I can go in the direction he's leading me. I'm excited for God to show me what I am meant to do. All I know now is that I want to help other people and I want to be happy with whatever I do.
I love days like these, even if they make me feel like I'm the most unproductive person on the face of the earth. I like relaxing. I kind of wish I was more of that 'LETS GO OUT AND ADVENTURE AND HAVE A LOT OF FUN EVERYDAY' person. I guess I can be like that sometimes, but other times I just loooove to hang out inside. I'm trying to be more of that person, especially after seeing Yes Man. Maybe it's dumb to be inspired by a movie like that... but I was. Don't judge me :) So I thought it was pretty cool to take opportunities like that (maybe not ALL opportunities) but the good ones, and it has really made my life more interesting.
My bestfriend Lauren and I have started a list of things that we've never done that we want to do before we go away to college. Not like, HUUUUGE things, but just fun random things like sitting on a rooftop, salsa dancing at Gloria's, donut someone, etc. We do new things almost every time we're together. I love it :) So, I guess I just want to spice it up a bit and be more adventurous and not lame.
On another note.. I'm happier than I've ever been before. I mean, not all the time.. but most of the time I am. It's weird that things can change like this because I decided to do the one thing I never thought I could do... Let go. I am so much happier and I don't think I could have had this strength if I hadn't chosen to let go. Another thing that I didn't realize has changed me is my 21 day fast that ends TOMORROW! yay for bread, sweets, & caffeine again! :) but this fast has helped me turn more towards God than towards food when I need help. It's like.. If I need some toast to start my day, my fast has been the chance for me to trust God to get my day started. God loves me and my heart. I have grown from this experience, seeing as it has been my first fast. It was quite difficult, but completely worth it. It's fun to challenge yourself and to make promises to yourself that you KNOW will be impossible to break beacuse if you do, you'll feel completely guilty. I'm proud of myself and the past 20 days. I found out something during this fast that I know I couldn't have handled well if I hadn't been in this state in my life. It really helped me with handling news I never thought I'd be able to feel happy about. Instead of drowning in tears, I was filled with joy. I am so happy that I felt this way and I knew it had to be because of everything I'd done when I let go of the person and things that were holding me back.
I'm thankful for the new year and the new opportunities I'm going to be able to have.
One day you're gonna want that girl. That girl that knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be perfect for you. The girl that believed the scraps of you she was given were worth it, because something was better than nothing. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and liking you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can't bring herself to hate you, even though you probably deserve it. That girl who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that no one else has ever appreciated.
The girl who realizes she may never have your heart, but will carry you in hers.
The girl that should have you, but doesn't.. Even though she deserves it.
so.. this is a new thing for me. my brother thought it would be a good idea for me to get into blogging because it's a good way to share your emotions and everything.. and since im on the computer enough as it is.. it was just another thing i could do on it. everything is pretty great right now. im more blessed than i could ever imagine. it's incredible. im on day 14 of my 21 day fast of bread, caffeine, & sweets. it's gotten pretty difficult the past couple of days because i have been cravvvving chocolate. boo. but it's worth it. i guess i dont have anything crazy emotional to talk about or vent about. haha. but maybe someday soon, i will.