It doesn't always feel like summer here. It's not humid enough or hot enough to be summertime. But that's New Mexico for you. It boasts of beauty and the sweet Creation that the Lord has made. It's one of those beautiful things that you can barely grasp until you are in the midst of the best blessing of your life. This summer has been filled with adventure, courage, new friends, rekindled friendships, and lots of dishes.
While sitting in on a Fuge worship service the first week, I broke down. I remembered the days over the last nine months where my heart would break while thinking of being here in New Mexico. I would cry at the idea of never experiencing a worship service like this ever again. I thought about the bands that would play, the thousands of high schoolers lifting praises to Jesus, and the opportunity the Lord had put before me. I didn't think it would happen again, and when it did... I was overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love and mercy that the Lord pours down on me.
I was so grateful in that moment that I had come back to where the place that only seemed like a distant memory months before. Through all of the trials, hurts, and pain that had occurred the months before, I didn't think that the Lord could bless me so much. It's like making the biggest mistake of your life, and the Lord thinks blessing you with community and opportunities will make it all better. It does. He is TOO good. I will not let satan write "shame" across my heart for my past mistakes. There is no condemnation.
I am so grateful for this summer. It's been filled with adventures. I have done more and learned more than last summer. I am different, the people are different, and it's good.
In staff worship last night, we had a whole night dedicated to prayer. We prayed all styles of prayers. We kneeled, stood, and spoke aloud. It was meant to make us uncomfortable. It did the opposite for me. I was comforted by my ultimate Comforter. There were sheets of paper that we passed through our bible study group instructing us what to do and they were all so powerful. As I stood facing the back of the room as a metaphor of "facing my past", I had to pray prayers that started with "God, I saw you working when..." and I broke down again. I could only think of every moment that led me back here. I prayed prayers like:
God, I saw you working when I failed out of school.
God, I saw you working when in the midst of failure, my family extended grace.
God, I saw you working when You brought my a community that LOVES me and speaks truth into my life.
God, I saw you working when I got a job that allowed me to be Christ to lost people.
God, I saw you working when you softened the hearts of those around me to allowing me to come back to Glorieta.
God, I saw you working when You called me to be an art major and do something that I love.
God, I saw you working when I came back to Glorieta a different person than last year.
God, I saw you working when You brought me friends here that love You with their whole hearts.
God, I saw you working when You continue to renew my mind, my heart, and give me Your strength when all I have are weaknesses.
I am so grateful.